When Worlds Collide, or All Your Puke are Belong to Us

The other day I logged into EVE, and not a few moments go by when I see my corp mate, Kahega in chat asking if anyone wants to get aggro on a mission runner. I excitedly throw my hat into the ring, grabbed my salvaging interceptor, and flew out into Dodixie, ready to give all hell to whatever mission runner had had the misfortune of turning up on the other side of the acceleration gate.

I arrived at my destination, warped into the mission, and was surprised to see a Nighthawk blasting away at the mission rats. MR's use Nighthawks for this? Apparently so. If we could pull this off it was going to be sweet, sweet delicious tears. The plan was for me to get aggro and for Kahega to bump the MR.

We flew around the deadspace pocket for several minutes, salvaging as we went, while I continued to loot the cans in order to enrage our new friend. After a few minutes of circling near the Nighthawk, the MR had apparently gotten fed up with us. He targeted me.

I made sure to stick fairly near him so that I would remain a tempting target. He still wasn't firing though. Little did I know or figure that he was calling in his buddies. A few minutes later, a Hurricane warps in, targets me, and begins firing. Weeee! Time to go!

The hurricane warp scrambles me and my shields quickly vaporize as I try desperately to get out of scram range. I pushed my Raptor as fast as the afterburners would take it, trying not to fly in a straight line in order to keep up a little transversal velocity. Things were starting to look bad though as my armor melted away, and before I knew it, the damage began to get into structure.

"Warp. Warp! Warp damnit, warp!"

With 1/3 structure left on my Raptor, I finally break free of the Hurricane's guns, and spamming the warp button, slingshot into warp. I was ecstatic. I felt like Han and Chewy must have felt right when the Millennium Falcon finally decided to cooperate and jump into hyperspace before they got pwned. It was awesome.

I did a little victory dance in my "cockpit", patted my 10 month old on the head (who was nearby and starting to get a cranky), and docked up to M20. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Kahega was working on bumping the bad guy so he couldn't escape the wrath of the ninjas.

"Hurry, Prime!"

Now I have to say that at this point, we probably should have called it off. They had the advantage, and my kid was getting fussy, but in the heat of the moment, well....you know....it didn't even cross my mind. All I could taste was the blood of my foes.

I picked up my son and held him in my lap, trying to calm him down. After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally able to change ships and undock.

As soon as I was undocked, Kahega informed that the bad guy had successfully avoided the bumpage, and that he had gotten away. This was my second chance to call off the dogs, but did I? Nope.

Man I wish my kid would stop squirming. Doesn't he know I'm about to go kick some ass?

"No matter," I told Kahega, "I'll warp back and hang out by the gate in case the Hurricane decided to show back up." I'd lay his silly little Hurricane to waste in this Raven.

I came out of warp at the acceleration gate. All was clear, and for the first time I realized what was going on and had second thoughts about waiting to see if the bad guys would come back to the gate. I decided that I should probably get the heck out of there.

My kid puked. I'm not talking about a little spit up after his bottle or a burp gone amiss, I'm talking about Niagra Falls of Puke. The Puke proceeded to hit my chin, roll down my neck, cover - I mean COVER my t-shirt, flowed down into my lap, off both sides of my lap, onto my chair and off the sides, cascading down into little pools of puke on the carpet on either side of the chair. Oh man, of all times to get puked on...

A Zealot warps in and proceeds to target me. "Oh crap."

I yelled for my wife, and as she comes running into the room, I activate my hardeners and try to warp out. No dice. I'm scrammed. My wife pulls my son off my lap, and as I try to forget about the soaked mess I'm basting in, I forget to launch my drones. I did manage to remember to fire my torps and nos though. Heh.

The torpedoes slam into the Zealot. "Kick his ass!" Kahega exclaims, but the torps weren't doing a whole lot of damage against the smaller ship. A few moments later the Nighthawk warps in, followed by the Hurricane.

The rest, as they say, is history. I then proceeded to peel myself off my chair and go take a shower.

That was actually my first BS that I had lost in PvP and you know what? I wasn't even that mad about it. I usually get pretty pissed off when I get sploded, but I took this one in stride. I fact, I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did. That Raven took a pounding. And hey, I totally Han Soloed that Raptor out of there.

I wish I had a video camera going on me at the time. It would have been a YouTube hit.

Ahh well. "Insurance FTW," as Kahega says.

http://www.warpscrambled.com/killboards ... ll_id=1202

Caw! Caw! The Crow of Doom

So I was in my super awesome "mining" Osprey today - mining for Rifters and whatnot - and what rolls up in the belts but a Thorax. "Oh great," I think, "how am I supposed to stop this guy from flipping my can?" I check his info: 2005 player. No way I'm going to outgun him, especially in an Osprey.

Now, I don't really care if someone gets away with some ore, but I had a full Badger's load of Massive Scordite and Condensed Veldspar, and I didn't really feel like loosing it even though it was really just a by-product of the day's operations. So, when the Thorax was still about 20km away, I decied to high-tail it back to the station to pick up my Badger. I read some more of his info on the trip back: YINANDYANG, SardaukarMerc Guild. Hmmm, where do I know them from.... Ahh yes, a former war target.

I hop in my Badger, and halfway back to the belt I see that he has a little red skull by his name in local, and by the time that I had come out of warp, he has flipped the entire can. *sigh* I turn the Badger around.

I warp back to the station to get my Crow. I'm not letting this guy come out on top here, and I'm not going to let him take the first shot. The time it took to switch ships seemed like an eternity. Finally, it was all systems go and I undock.

I punch my Crow into warp. When I come out the other side, the can is gone, the Thorax is still there, and he is flashing red. Perfect. I begin to orbit around him, hit the micro warpdrive, beging warp scrambling him, and send a hail of Caldari Navy Bloodclaws at him with all the fury of the thunder lord himself.

I get a couple of volleys off and he deploys his drones. Hammerhead II's. No problem, there's no way those things are going to catch me, I'm Velocity Prime!

My missiles seem to bypass his shields almost completely and impact upon the hull of the Thorax. He hasn't even touched me and he knows it. He's in trouble. But to my surprise, my lock fails and he warps away. I don't know if he got lucky, had a warp core stabilizer fitted, or if I just got out of range. Either way, a much younger character just owned a 3 year-old character. The coup de gras through was that he was in such a hurry to get out of there, he forgot his 5 Hammerhead II's. Oh sweet, sweet payback.

[ 2008.09.04 22:09:06 ] YinandYang > lol silly suddenly ninjas.....no good at combat
[ 2008.09.04 22:11:13 ] Velocity Prime > dont run and we'll find out
[ 2008.09.04 22:11:40 ] Velocity Prime > i scooped your tech II drones too
[ 2008.09.04 22:11:47 ] Ktak > Lol
[ 2008.09.04 22:11:55 ] Velocity Prime > made up for the ore you jacked

I consider it a victory, even though no explosions were had, and I definately came out on top isk-wise.

Yay, More Tears!

[ 2008.07.31 22:43:39 ] HarshawJ > hello...
[ 2008.07.31 22:43:44 ] Velocity Prime > hiya
[ 2008.07.31 22:43:59 ] HarshawJ > this is my mission, please leave...
[ 2008.07.31 22:44:30 ] Velocity Prime > yes it is your mission
[ 2008.07.31 22:50:19 ] HarshawJ > common, this is my salvage....get your own mission
[ 2008.07.31 22:50:43 ] Velocity Prime > my mission is cleaning up the galaxy
[ 2008.07.31 22:50:51 ] HarshawJ > fuck you
[ 2008.07.31 22:51:04 ] Velocity Prime > and its not your salvage anyway

He didn't like my logic apparently and closed the convo.

Suddenly Ninjas: Spreading the good news, one mission runner at a time.

Ninja Noobs, or How Not to do It

Lately I have started running some missions in order to gain a few loyalty points and to get access to a locator agent. Last night, while putting the finishing touches on a wily bunch of NPC space pirates, I spot an Amarrian frigate cruising through my deadspace. I couldn’t help but chuckle as ninja salvaging is my chosen and prefered profession, and as it was the first time that a salvage ninja other than my own corp mates had entered one of my mission deadspaces. I didn’t really mind too much as I had expected one of them to show up eventually, and thought it would only be appropriate as I had relieved countless mission runners of their salvage in the past. I kept one eye on my guest while I continued to blast away at the mission rats, hoping that he would try to loot some of the worthless gear that had been falling off of the NPCs, allowing me to send him promptly to his waiting clone.

The ninja flew around a bit and settled on a wreck about 20 km away and then proceeded to salvage the wreck, and to my surprise, loot the can as well. I targeted him, however I did not fire, but kept a close eye on him to see what he would do next. He didn’t leave but continued to fly around from wreck to wreck.

I inspected him and found that he was a 2005 player. Thinking that he definitely knew better than to loot wrecks willy nilly, I dug a bit deeper and checked the stats of his corp. Thirty members. Surely some of them were waiting in the wings – waiting for his signal should I fire upon him. I did a directional scan and no one else was waiting near the acceleration gates. Curious. He flies over near my ship, only a few thousand meters away, obviously trying to goad me into a fight, but I wasn’t going to bite. He hung around for a minute and then flies slowly over to another wreck near to where my next rat victim sat.

I finally finished with the last of the mission rats, and just as I made my mind up to unleash a fury of heavy missiles into his tiny ship, my targeting lock breaks and he warps off. He had escaped my wrath.

I return to the station and turn in the mission to my agent. Justice reigns, and peace has been restored to the system. At least for the time being. I receive my reward and climb into my salvaging ship and then back to the site of the slaughter to clean up the environment and the mess that I had made.

After cleaning up three areas of NPC wrecks I warped to the final area. Only four wrecks were present along with a yellow can that I had obviously not placed there. I targeted and locked the four wrecks, sending tractor beams to three of them and flying to the fourth. On my way to wreck number four, I flew near the yellow can and checked its contents. Inside were six or seven Hammerhead drones along with a bit of ammo. Could a more obvious can baiting have been possible? I reached my destination and began to salvage the wrecks. I did a directional scan and not surprisingly see a Buzzard in the results. The Ginger Bread Man along with its pilot, Karrea. I thought I’d let them know that he was retarded.


[ 2008.10.12 04:04:21 ] Velocity Prime > the ginger bread man
[ 2008.10.12 04:04:25 ] Velocity Prime > mmmm


The Buzzard appears momentarily, and his partner, who must have been waiting nearby, warps in shortly thereafter.


[ 2008.10.12 04:05:30 ] karrea > hello
[ 2008.10.12 04:05:43 ] karrea > ROAR I WANT UR SALVAGNE
[ 2008.10.12 04:05:54 ] Velocity Prime > lol nice try guys! ;)


They rush over to the last of the remaining cans that I had left to loot in a final attempt to get me to fight, but they were too slow.


[ 2008.10.12 04:09:48 ] Velocity Prime > you guys gotta do better than that! Lol
[ 2008.10.12 04:13:04 ] karrea > nawh... i probed u out like 4 times befor just didnt car about you then mah corp mate comes and says GEMME LOOT and im lok
[ 2008.10.12 04:13:26 ] Cold Vendetta > i said GEMME BUTT
[ 2008.10.12 04:13:51 ] karrea > sweet free hammerhead II's :P
[ 2008.10.12 04:14:55 ] Velocity Prime > you guys can take the salvage, it's only level three anyway. anyway, drop us a line if you guys want to get into a real ninja salvaging corp ;)
[ 2008.10.12 04:15:26 ] karrea > nawh your corp suxkors too much
[ 2008.10.12 04:16:13 ] Velocity Prime > yeah, we don't speak as leet as you guys do :P

Pfft...rookies...

Firefox add-on: Eve Online Character Status

Just ran into this on the EVE forums. It's a Firefox add-on that keeps track of your character training. It's still in the testing phase it looks like, but it works fine for me. Looks like the author is constantly working on it and making it better too.

Linky